It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
