their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
