I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
