I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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