Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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