but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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