yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
