i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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