VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
