Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Pappa wants mamma naked
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
