if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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