how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
