yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
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It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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