Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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