My cat gives me a boner
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Randomize
