He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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