Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize