I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
