I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
