The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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