So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Randomize
