I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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