I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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