So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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