Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
