$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
