Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
