Pants 0. Shit 1.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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