the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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