conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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