Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
