im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Im just a social blackout drinker.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
