He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
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i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
