I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
