So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
True college students do jello shots in the library
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