i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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