I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
