Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
