just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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