Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
