Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
