yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
