I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you traded sex for a burrito?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Randomize
