have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
why do cheetos always look like penises
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
