remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
