maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
