today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My ass is underappreciated
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize