Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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