Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
