Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
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