In the future we'll all be gay
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
