I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
