you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize